Journal Entry. Year One.

On this day last year, I made, what was in hindsight, a bad decision. A decision I’d make again in a heartbeat, a decision I’d make knowing how badly it would end for me.

E dey sweet as e dey go. That’s the truth about love. When it ends it’s easy to look back at the things you could have done differently, or the little signs that should have told you just how foolhardy you were being – but the truth is it was great when it started.

To be honest it was great till it ended. She was the one, and nothing short of… well… death could have made me think any different. Which is probably why it hurt like a bitch. Hurts. Why I spend time debating with her in my head, saying things I’ll never get to say to her, because when it’s over you just have to admit that it’s at its end.


 

It’s funny though. I wrote the little tale of woe above weeks ago, and couldn’t find it this morning. So I decided that maybe, just maybe I wasn’t supposed to post it. But then something happened that left me quite shaken.

I was standing alone, minding my business, a stranger to the world at large as my ears were covered by headphones, as is my wont. I noticed a large Asian man standing nearby. Our eyes met, and he came towards me. I politely lowered my headphones and wished him a good morning.

“You’re a lucky person. You have a warm, cheery smile,” he said.

I said nothing. I never know what I’m supposed to say when I’m complimented. But he wasn’t done.

“…but your heart has been broken recently.”

I stared at him in shock. How on earth did he know? Who the hell was he, anyway? Or does heartbreak get tattooed in bold, unmissable letters on one’s face these days? He said a few other things, but there was a buzzing in my ears, a noise deep down in my soul. I had to get away from him. He offered to read my future. Stuttering, I declined. He left without a fuss.

I thought about that a lot today. First defensively, thinking he must have been a charlatan who got lucky with a wild, hurtful guess. But why would someone who wanted to read my future start off by reminding me of extreme pain? Then I thought there must be demons involved, and I do not believe in astrology or any of its variants, and why on earth did I go and stand there in the first place, and I need to stop meeting weird people. Then I stopped thinking of him, and more of the fact that through whatever means, he was able to get to me so easily, throw my day into disarray and get me so into my feelings.

Sigh.

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